The Checklist Doesn’t Exist: Give Love A Chance

Five years ago (almost to the day), I was volunteering at parent-teacher interview night as a Peer Leader in high school. At the end of the evening, I walked home with a fellow leader, as we happened to be heading the same way. Conversation flowed smoothly, and the following morning, I woke up to a message from him picking up on a topic we’d been discussing. I replied, and we haven’t stopped talking since.

At the time, I had serious qualms about entering a relationship. People who have experienced heartbreak aren’t generally keen to try it again, and for the first time, I was genuinely happy single. Not wanting to complicate my busy enough life, I went into this with a blasé attitude. I told myself I wouldn’t get attached, that we might not even make it two months, and that any experience would at least be experience. After all, like most people, the most signficant periods of growth in my life have originated from pain or heartbreak. I might as well have fun with this while it lasted, learn what I could, and get out when it got too hard.

Part of my hesitancy came from this idea of a checklist I had of my perfect soulmate — back when I still believed in soulmates. I wanted to be with a romantic, adventurous guy, who would bring me flowers spontaneously, write me poetry, and take me on backpacking trips. I wanted an avid reader, like myself, with whom I could spend hours chatting with about literature. I wanted a musician, someone who I could sing Broadway duets with. This sports fanatic, metal-loving, aspiring lawyer didn’t really cross much off my list. He barely even read books, let alone fiction.

Obviously, I was mistaken on many fronts. People aren’t nearly so predictable and relationships even less so. I quickly realized how superficial my old checklist had been, not only because humans can’t be reduced to a few traits and interests but also because those are far from the most important factors in making a relationship work.

Though he never was someone I could geek out with about the latest novel I’d read, or go on month-long travels with, I never once had to worry throughout our entire relationship whether I’d be cheated on. I never doubted I’d be respected and listened to. This was the kind of guy who, in the midst of fighting, would take a second to tell me, “I’m still happy you’re here.”

In the end, attitude, commitment, and maturity are far more important factors to maintaining a healthy relationship than common interests or career aspirations. But I didn’t know that when I was 16. I could never have predicted falling in love, and even less, staying in love today. All I knew was that I enjoyed talking to him, and that turned out to be enough.

And because he was willing to explore what I love, to step out of his comfort zone and try a few new things, we actually sing Broadway musicals together now.